and what have we done - another year older and a new one just begun..................
And exactly what have I done this year. Well..... wasted a lot of time for one thing. Time I don't have to waste.
And spent a lot of time alone.
Which isn't too bad if you know that is what you are doing. Its all the time that I didn't expect to be alone that I was anyway that kind of gets to me.
And I've eaten my way to the next size clothes. I think perhaps I have entered into a delightfully depressed state.
I spent a lot of time trying to find a mate. That was the most complete bust ever. I also spent a lot of time being the "other woman" - a role that I find disgusting......... a role I didn't want. The role I aspired to was that of friend. Lets see - what is this - now THREE times. Darn! Three times in one year............ So, I guess its time to stop.
And stop kidding myself. Somehow I keep thinking there is someone out there who will look beyond the ugly old dragon and see the happy child that wants so badly to come out. Funny - no one can get beyond the outer appearance. The dragons scales and large body send them all away.
This will be my third Christmas alone.
Its better than being alone in the middle of a crowd of people.
I'm just not sure how much better.
Alone is alone.
I was alone when I was married.
I'm alone now that I'm divorced.
And I guess I'd just better get used to it.............................. because this is how I will spend the last portion of my life.
alone.
Do I choose it? No.
But it seems my only other alternative is to be the "Other Woman" - not quite good enough to be THE woman. If I cannot be THE woman - then I will be nothing at all..... I will never again fall for that role.
I just don't wear it well.
Peace on earth and good will to all.
The Christmas Dragon
