The older I get , the more disillusioned I get. I often wish I could return to those days of innocence when everything in my world was either black or white, right or wrong. And WRONG was something to be fought against, not perpetuated.
In my adult life, I learned that no family is like either the Brady (Brady Bunch) or the Anderson (Father Knows Best) families. I learned that no matter how hard you try and how much you give your children, they learn very early that you, the parent, are nothing more than a flesh and blood human who has made mistakes and is far from perfect. Hence - you, the parent, do not know everything. Therefore they must find out some things for themselves - most frequently making the same mistakes that you did and attempted (in vain) to prevent them from making by pre-teaching them the lesson that you learned.
I have learned that no matter how often we say that we have learned from history, history often repeats itself.
I have learned that the value of something is what someone else is willing to pay for it at the time you wish to sell it. I have learned that the amount which someone else is willing to pay for an item at the time I wish to sell it is never what all the books written by experts will tell you that it is worth.
I have learned that it is often the thing which takes no effort at all that is often appreciated the most. Conversely, that which you pour your heart and blood, sweat, and tears into is often valued the least.
I have learned that the people you love and trust the most are the ones that will hurt you the most.
The most recent lessons:
I have learned that it is often the small things with the least impact, the things so small that they are unnoticed when right, are also the things that will earn the largest handslap when not right. I have also learned that it is the last bad thing you did that will impact you the most.
The job that I do has become far more about documentation than about doing. I spend more time writing about what I am doing and obtaining approval for what I am doing and obtaining approval for what I wrote than I do doing what I am doing. Doing what I do has the most impact to the bottom line. However, if I make a mistake doing that, this will simply earn me more documentation. If, however, I make an error with the documentation - THIS is the most HEINOUS of crimes. If I simply did what I did - and corrected what was wrong - job 'n' might only take me 30 minutes. However, in order to do the job AND complete all the required documentation AND ensure that every 'T' is crossed and every 'i' i dotted in the documentation AND that job 'n' AND the documentation has all the necessary approvals takes 24 hours or more.
The reason that I got into my field is because I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it because it was a constant learning experience and because I am naturally curious and because I am creative. The more I learned, the more creative I could become. The more I learned - the more curious I became. The more curious I became, the more I learned and the more creative I could become. One thing ALWAYS led to another.
I no longer enjoy what I do.
I spend very little time learning.
I spend even less being creative.
The things that I am required to learn have nothing to do with appeasing my curiosity or with creating.
My once-career has become a job - drudgery.
Drudgery that is every bit as boring and mundane as cleaning the cat litter box.
And quite frankly, cleaning the cat litter box is more rewarding since I can see that it is indeed clean when I finish.
Once I complete my documentation to perfection, I cannot see what value that has.
However, I do know if it is not completed to perfection, the personal price is high.
