My First Kiss

I can hear you all thinking 'Really? How romantic!' or 'April Fool'!!! Let me start by telling you this is neither..... We have had 3 bunnies in the past few years. All 'rescue's, all cute, and all with different personalities. The current bunny - Timothy - is the only one I have been personally responsible for bringing into the house. Two years ago or so, my bff started to volunteer at a local animal shelter. About a week into her time there, they received a bunny - Timothy. And she insisted that I at least meet him. I had absolutely NO intention of bringing home another rabbit - but, I had to at least meet him. So, I went to the shelter where they got the rabbit out of the cage he was in and put him in a room with me. I sat on the floor thinking that might make him more comfortable and allow him to get my scent. I assumed that, as rabbits are rather shy creatures, it would take him some time to get up the nerve to come see who I was. Well, I was most definitely wrong - Timothy R. Rabbit hopped right over to me and sat with his nose almost in my lap. So, I petted him. And he stayed. And I petted him some more..... and he stayed. It took him almost 20 minutes for his curiousity to get the best of him and begin to explore the room - he was most content to allow me to stroke his head and ears for just about ever. Of course, Timothy R. Rabbit came home with me. I am always a sucker for a furry face! Over the course of my adult life, I have probably spent more time sleeping on couches than in beds... for various reasons. And I am currently sleeping on one now.......... that is a story for another day. Timothy is not a very secure bun - so he stays where there are rugs - which means the living room and dining room. Now that I am sleeping downstairs, he can visit whenever he likes. And believe me - he LIKES! His current 'thing' is to wait for me (impatiently circling my feet) to make up my bed and get in. He then jumps up on top of me for a petting session. He does this last thing before I go to sleep at night and the second my alarm goes off in the morning. Last night, he did his usual - and I did mine. I happened to be a bit more tired than normal so, as I was petting him, I was also drifting off to nod-land.... and slowly ......... stopped ................petting..... Timothy started to sniff.... my hair, my face, my nose.... back off, and come sniff again. And then I felt this little tongue... on my nose! My very first BUNNY KISS!
And fell in love with Mr. Timothy R. Rabbit all over again!

What? Me? Worry????

So... these past two years, in addition to worrying about the usual stuff - pretty much every morning, I have been listening to the news as it relates to stock market... What investors are saying, the impact of the worlds ills on the economy, the ups, the downs, the purported economic recovery, how wonderful that consumer confidence is up, the DJIA is up, NASDAQ is up, the housing market still bust, etc etc.
And then we had the flash crash, and rioting in Greece, then unrest in Egypt, problems in Libya and disaster in Japan - all affecting the stock market.. It went up, it went down, the value of the dollar went up and down......
There have been many who have said 'we are in recovery because there are less people on the unemployment rolls. Yet, still we hear that there are no jobs. And that US companies cannot find the expertise they need here in the US and so must look overseas.
So - why are there less people on unemployment? There aren't any jobs out there. Not really.
Companies are asking the impossible of the people who are still employed and they are getting it because there are no jobs. At least not here in the US for US natives.
After thinking about this for two years, worrying about it... worrying about having a job, worrying about what happens if I don't..... concerned because there are 3 people (and several animals that are dependant on me..... worry worry worry fret fret fret. Worry for my kids - IF they can get TO college and if they can graduate from college and what jobs will be available for them when they do graduate and are we going to require a college degree to flip burgers soon?
Oh yes - the education system..... We now need a college degree costing as much as many houses to teach us .... what? How to, say -plan a party, run a restaurant, take care of children, run an office.... Why? What does a piece of paper tell you about me? That I went through 4 more years of school? And this makes me better than someone who has not?
I am all for careers like doctors, nurses, lawyers, biochemists, architects and others like that requiring more education. These careers require FAR more knowledge than can be gained from an average education. But - what about the rest?
Has it ever occurred to anyone to wonder why, while there is shrinkage in so many sectors, universities are building and expanding? I look at Yale - they are constantly renovating and making better that which is already existing. I look at UNH - I don't recognize the campus I was on 30 years ago. I look at SCSU - where does that campus end? We have an education system..... Like we have a healthcare system - both growing by leaps and bounds. The ONLY two 'growth' industries that I can see.
And the printing presses keep rolling.... printing more and more money that is only worth something to the people who have it in the country it is being printed in and only a select few actually have much of it..... the rest work to support them.
I could go on and on and on with the things I have heard and listened to and thought about....
None of it good.
And none of it that I can change.

And then I was told that I was not getting enough vitamin D. Vitamin D primarily comes from the sun. The sun that can't reach the room that I spend most of my time ... my 'office'. And I almost lost my daughter.
SO - what CAN I change?
I moved my 'office'.
I moved me.
Downstairs - in the sun. And the doom and gloom of the stock market and the constant news remains upstairs. Down here, I hear the laughter of kids, the tumbling and pounding of four-footed critters playing, and music. Happy music. Pretty soon, I will open the windows here - and I will hear the birds chirping as they build their nests. Some (Mr. & Mrs. Robin) have already started. I have been spending time with both my kids. Just sitting talking, watching THEIR movies with them..... talking to THEIR friends....

I am wealthier than I ever imagined.

Long time, no visit....

Well... it would appear that my friends have shamed me into blogging once more. See?
They are all staring at me!

It has been a long time since I did this.... expressed an opinion or updated on family... or, well - anything.
Its been a very busy few years of growing and learning.... and experiencing - well - lots.
It is spring - and this spring I have decided, once again, to make some changes for the better. I have learned that the sun is very important to me.... it has a lot to do with my mood, my physical condition, how I feel.....

In that time, I have also learned that the MOST important thing to me is my family - specifically my children. Oh - they are much bigger than 'children' - good grief, one is an adult! (So they tell me... that chronological thing).
I have also learned that blood IS MUCH thicker than water. And when it comes down to anyone or anything versus my kids - my kids win. Hands down.

I have learned that the support I need will never ever come from the places I have looked.
But it does come - from the places it always has.
And sometimes from places that you don't expect.

These were good lessons.

And I have also learned that I still like to write.
And photograph.

Things that I have Learned

The older I get , the more disillusioned I get. I often wish I could return to those days of innocence when everything in my world was either black or white, right or wrong. And WRONG was something to be fought against, not perpetuated.
In my adult life, I learned that no family is like either the Brady (Brady Bunch) or the Anderson (Father Knows Best) families. I learned that no matter how hard you try and how much you give your children, they learn very early that you, the parent, are nothing more than a flesh and blood human who has made mistakes and is far from perfect. Hence - you, the parent, do not know everything. Therefore they must find out some things for themselves - most frequently making the same mistakes that you did and attempted (in vain) to prevent them from making by pre-teaching them the lesson that you learned.
I have learned that no matter how often we say that we have learned from history, history often repeats itself.
I have learned that the value of something is what someone else is willing to pay for it at the time you wish to sell it. I have learned that the amount which someone else is willing to pay for an item at the time I wish to sell it is never what all the books written by experts will tell you that it is worth.
I have learned that it is often the thing which takes no effort at all that is often appreciated the most. Conversely, that which you pour your heart and blood, sweat, and tears into is often valued the least.
I have learned that the people you love and trust the most are the ones that will hurt you the most.
The most recent lessons:
I have learned that it is often the small things with the least impact, the things so small that they are unnoticed when right, are also the things that will earn the largest handslap when not right. I have also learned that it is the last bad thing you did that will impact you the most.

The job that I do has become far more about documentation than about doing. I spend more time writing about what I am doing and obtaining approval for what I am doing and obtaining approval for what I wrote than I do doing what I am doing. Doing what I do has the most impact to the bottom line. However, if I make a mistake doing that, this will simply earn me more documentation. If, however, I make an error with the documentation - THIS is the most HEINOUS of crimes. If I simply did what I did - and corrected what was wrong - job 'n' might only take me 30 minutes. However, in order to do the job AND complete all the required documentation AND ensure that every 'T' is crossed and every 'i' i dotted in the documentation AND that job 'n' AND the documentation has all the necessary approvals takes 24 hours or more.
The reason that I got into my field is because I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it because it was a constant learning experience and because I am naturally curious and because I am creative. The more I learned, the more creative I could become. The more I learned - the more curious I became. The more curious I became, the more I learned and the more creative I could become. One thing ALWAYS led to another.
I no longer enjoy what I do.
I spend very little time learning.
I spend even less being creative.
The things that I am required to learn have nothing to do with appeasing my curiosity or with creating.
My once-career has become a job - drudgery.
Drudgery that is every bit as boring and mundane as cleaning the cat litter box.
And quite frankly, cleaning the cat litter box is more rewarding since I can see that it is indeed clean when I finish.
Once I complete my documentation to perfection, I cannot see what value that has.
However, I do know if it is not completed to perfection, the personal price is high.

A Happy Saint Padraig's Day to all my Irish and honorary Irish (this means YOU!) friends!
Paddy was born in Wales with a very Welsh first name- Maewyn, and a very Roman surname - Succat - owing to his Roman father. Beyond this, much of his life is shrouded in mystery and legend. It is said there are two Patricks - and indeed, it would seem so as many of his works span two full centuries from the mid 300's thru the mid 500's.
Legend has it that Padraic cleared the snakes from Ireland and brought the knowledge of the Trinity to the people using the cloverleaf - the 3-leaf kind as opposed to the lucky 4-leafer.
Saint and legend - his feast day is marked on the date most believe to be the date of his death - March 17.
Today - most everyone celebrates by wearing some green. In many areas - some green can be seen on the local landmarks - like say - the green in a river that runs thru Chicago - or the green on the streets of New Haven!
Whatever St Patricks day is to you - Erin Gae Braegh and Slainte!

dragon

And the good news..........

Number 1 daughter MADE HONORS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Her LOWEST mark was in Physics - a B+!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS is what I always knew she could do! Her mid-term exams were the same - lowest mark was a B.... It just does NOT get any better than this!

Number 1 son.... up and down and up and down .......... when he tries, he does very well... For instance - his Science Fair project - he got a 99! Now, he is doing a book report on a book he actually read (mom was VERY surprised! usually - he reads Cliff notes and calls it a day) on Sojourner Truth. Now, I never expected him to stick to and read the whole thing but he did - and wrote a good description of the book and her life and then a dissertation on "Why Sojourner Truth deserved a book about her". Both were excellent - and I have to admit that in talking with him about this, I learned quite a bit about this extraordinary woman.......... Today - he goes into school and must deliver a speech dressed as Sojourner might have dressed. He must tell about her life in the first person. After our long discussion last night, I think he will do quite well.

The first month at the new company has passed.... it was so very quick. And truthfully, not much has changed... I have picked up one or two new responsibilities, trained new people to take over other functions, been shuffled to a new boss twice, cried thru the exit interview (its a good thing that I had the mute button and did not really need to respond to my director in Atlanta, GA), found my way through yet another payroll system, still winding my way through the benefits system, and waiting for the pension (which they now tell me won't be available till the END of April......slow......very very slow).
I don't know whether I told you this but, in the process of diagnosing my children with ADD/ADHD, our therapist also diagnosed the MotherHenDragon with ADD..... I am on the same medication as my children. This has opened up a huge door for me! It is quite amazing to see what one can do when one can actually concentrate! We had a problem with one of our systems.....took quite a few of us working feverishly to figure out what was wrong. We realized that what was wrong could not be fixed immediately - but, now we needed a workaround in order to finish our process.... The workaround was rather lengthy (by todays standard) and required about 15 scripts - different groups for different pieces of the process. As people were firing verbal specifications at me, I was able to actually code the scripts.... run them, provide answers to questions, numbers and percentages processed and keep track of where we were in the process............ We finished in the early hours of the morning. A day or so later, when I sat back and thought of all that I had been able to accomplish, I was in awe. I know that I could not have done this 6 months ago. The intelligence I have. The focus I did not have. This was very true of my daughter too. In a way it is sad....had I known and been treated all those years ago when I wasn in school, things could have and probably would have turned out very different for me. But, alas, one cannot go backward. Only forwards..... So.....imagine what I can accomplish now?!?!?!?

Other Thread: Sojourner was NOT her slave name as I had thought all these years. She was a Northern slave, born and raised in New York to a couple - Elizabeth and James Baumfree. The name given her at birth was Isabella Baumfree. As most slaves did, she had a hard life, the requisite beatings and breedings - even being a northern slave. But she rose above all of it, eventually gaining her freedom, winning a court battle to gain freedom for her eldest son Peter (sold illegally), owning her own home - not once but SEVERAL times. In an era where everything a woman had was through a man, that this woman, of African descent no less, owned her own home on her own is nothing short of amazing! Further, she was active not only in the anti-slavery moment, but in the womens suffrage movement. I had the opportunity to read her speech, "Ain't I a woman" - quite stirring!
A very long time ago, when I was in school, equal rights was in it infancy and we did not spend a whole lot of time dwelling on what is today called Black History. Obviously, we missed out on a great deal. I am glad that our children today are given the opportunity to read about ALL the people who have made a real difference EQUALLY.

The times that try the patience of women.....

I must preface this with the fact that my mate and I are on the down side of life - he more so than I. We are at the point where the body is deteriorating whether we will it so or not. It is part of the circle of life. My mate more so than I....
Yes, I did say that twice......
One of my mates issues is that he has very little patience. In fact, my children at age 2 had more patience many times than he does. And he is far more high-strung than most women....
Two weeks ago, he was having a bit of difficulty in - ah - having a movement. So, he began the journey through the laxative counter. After no luck with a few things, he tried max-citrate. And made an appointment with a doctor. Well..a physicians assistant. After the max-citrate, he had his movement but felt it was not enough. He went to the doctor with this complaint in mind. They put him on miralax. This was a Friday.
Mind you - the Friday before the VERY FIRST day I had had off in four weeks! (My mantra: I love my job I love my job I love my job I am grateful to have it I love my job.) Needless to say, my plans included cleaning a bit, and taking the camera out for a jaunt and perhaps dining out somewhere or seeing a movie or even curling up with a good book.
Saturday dawns bright and clear. The sun was out. The clouds were light and fluffy. Not a drop of rain or a snowflake in site. I have my coffee and do the requisite puzzle and check email and prep my camera batteries and move the 70-200 to its travel pouch and tour the web for some local beauty to partake in.
As I am getting ready to get into the shower, I hear:
"I think I need to go to the Emergency Room".
"Why, dear?" say I.
"Well,", says he, "I still cannot go to the bathroom. I have been on the Miralax since yesterday afternoon and I cannot go to the bathroom. Look at my eyes - they are turning yellow. I am becoming septic".
(insert very large sigh as well as a desperate attempt not to laugh here).
"Dear," I begin. "What did you have to eat since the last time you went?"
"I have had tea".
"Tea? Just tea?"
"Yes, just tea. I don't dare eat anything".
"Well," I say patiently, "If you have nothing solid in your stomach, you will have no solid stool either. You must actually eat something and then it takes 36 hours for it to completely pass through your digestive system. Thus, you should have no bowel movement today even with the Miralax".
"I'm calling the doctor" he says with a shaking voice.
"Alright dear".
He has a long conversation with the physicians assistant who assures him that all of what I have said is true - however, he still believes there is something wrong. She finally tells him that if he really wants, he can get a fleet enema at the local drug store and anything left will surely exit. He relays this to me. Of course, I run to the local drug store and purchase not one, but TWO of the "Super Fleet with 30% more!" and return home. He looks at them dispassionately. He picks up one and stares at it, then at me, and says, "How do I do this?"
"Excuse me?" I blink "How do you do what?" I say, hoping desperately that he is NOT asking me what I think he is.......
"this" he says as he thrusts the green box towards my face.
(insert groan here)
"Well, I believe you have to read the directions".
Now, folks, I have been in the nursing field - and yes, I have had the experience of assisting in this procedure. It really is not that difficult. Messy yes. But not difficult. Not even self-administered.
So, he takes the box into the bathroom and shuts the door. And I wander around picking up this and that and listen for the sounds which tell me he has figured out the directions.
Time passes....
Those sounds never came.
After a few moments, he comes out of the bathroom and says, "I can't do this. " I shake my head. I know whats coming next. I wait with baited breath for the dreaded words....... "You need to take me to the Emergency room". AAAAAAAAARRRGH! HE SAID IT!!!!!!!!!
"Dear, I want you to think about this very carefully." I spent the next 5 minutes dissertating on the why's and wherefores of going versus not going in to the local ER.... the time, the expense, the non-necessity............ I finally end my sermon with, "I am going to take a shower. If, when I am done, you still insist this is necessary, I will take you."
Of course, 45 minutes later, he still felt it was necessary.
So much for exploring the state beauty....
We spent the rest of that gorgeous Valentines Day in the Emergency Room waiting on various tests and x-rays. We had a very nice woman doctor that I would unhesitatingly both recommend and, if she had a private practice, would go to.
Side note: If you ever have the misfortune to have to be in a hospital with a sinus infection - it is a wise thing to bring your own tissues. The hospital only provides sandpaper in little uncolored boxes marked "tissue wipes" with which to blow ones nose. The swelling has abated somewhat in the days since this visit.
Back to the main story:
After much testing, they decide that he has absolutely NO blockage and NO feces left anywhere. None. Thus no chance of sepsis. They think that he might have a small pouch of diverticular disease or perhaps colitis. Neither, of course, is serious if treated properly. They put him on two antibiotics and discharge him giving him the standard line about following up with his own GI group.
We got home around 10:30 that night.
And now he is huffing and puffing because he is MAD.
Mad?
HE is mad???????
Wait....we just spent all day in the ER for something that was NOT an emergency and he is MAD????
I'm sure you are dying to know why..................... He is mad because they did NOT make a complete and absolute diagnosis and he feels that they should have admitted him!
Wait...so, let me get this straight.........you just took up a bed in an emergency room for an ENTIRE saturday with a problem that was NOT an emergency, not even urgent care - on a SATURDAY and you expected them to put you through ALL the tests known to man? Um...no. The point of the emergency room is to deal with EMERGENCY and TRAUMA cases and URGENT CARE. The definition of which is THINGS REQUIRING IMMEDIATE ATTENTION and WITHOUT CARE will unequivocably and almost immediately change a persons life for the worse and/or kill them. They need to do enough to make this determination and then turn over your bed for a patient who truly needs it. But he was mad. And put out. And walked around for almost two hours muttering to himself in his anger.
I went to bed.
Sunday dawns and apparently he has, I think, seen the error of the previous day. We go run errands and shop and he is fine. Attitude is good, he eats....stomach friendly foods - and this is a good thing. And then Monday comes...............
And now, he is dying.
Yes - dying.
And no one is paying attention to him while he dies.
"You think this is not serious!" he rages. "When I am dead, you must take all my money and make sure that I am autopsied and then THEY will see what un-diagnosed infection killed me!"
I did not feel that this was a good time to point out that the infection would have to be immune to cipro and flagyl in order to kill him as he had been on the combination of the two for two days.
He paces and paces and calls the doctors office frantically insisting that the doctor in the ER said he should have more tests. She did not. She said what all doctors MUST say .... "Follow up with your doctor". Again, he says his eyeballs are turning yellow and he is becomming septic and can't I please call the doctor because he is dying and in pain and they won't return his call! He ate.... yesterday. Today, he has diarhea. He walks from downstairs to upstairs pacing and pacing. I hear this through several conference calls...... I am patently ignoring this.... I figure if one can pace upstairs and downstairs and up again, has a normal complexion and body temperature, and is on TWO heavy-duty antibiotics, they are not about to pass from this life anytime too soon. The pain he feels is in an area that is not indicative of any immediate threat to life an limb - nor, is it bad enough to keep him from standing or walking or sitting....nor is he reaching for any kind of pain medication: and I have PLENTY of acetomenophen which is about the safest there is. Thus, I know that there is no immediate danger.
However, I do not deal well with histrionics and neuroses.
So, I call the doctor hoping that someone in their office is capable of handling a patient suffering from an attack of dramaqueenitis. Around 4pm, the doctor calls and speaks to me momentarily before speaking to him. I listened to his voice. Let me tell you - this mans voice could calm my bi-polar daughter....it is melodic, quiet, authoritative, and relaxing all at once.Perfect!...he spoke with my man for the better part of 30 minutes answering very gently and intelligently every single question the man posed. When the man got off the phone, he was the calmest he had been in a week and a half and I breathed a sigh of relief thinking that since all the questions had been answered and some action was being taken (more bloodwork scheduled for the next day) that the worst was over and some semblance of normalcy restored.
Obviously, I was delusional.
By Tuesday night, he was back to his normal neurotic self.
"Why can't I have a bowel movement?!?!?!"
"Because you haven't eaten anything, dear"
"Yes I did"
"When?"
"An hour ago - I had chicken soup with the vegetables and chicken!"
"Ah...an hour ago?"
"Yes..."
"Dear, the soup has not even reached your stomach yet! It takes 36 hours for complete digestion to occur. This means that it must go from your mouth to your stomach, be broken down into various components, the useful ones distributed to the various organs, and the non-useful ones sent to the right areas for evacuation. This is not a 1-hour fotomat - it is your STOMACH!"
He angrily stomps away. I have not told him what he wanted to hear.

Now, the doctor had put him on a liquid diet and small doses of the miralax. The thinking was to keep the potential stool soft in case there was a small blockage. The man, of course, is now convinced that if he eats any solid food, it will immediately lodge against this blockage causing an immediate and life-threatening obstruction.
And so my entire week went. Vascillating back and forth between the extremes.....him wanting to eat and being sure that he should not.
I went to my girlfriends on Friday night and had pizza with her and her mate.... mostly to escape the house of doom and gloom.
Yesterday I worked all day.
I am sure if I were not working, I would have spent yet another day in the ER ... that dreaded word was mentioned a few times.

This brings us to today.
Sunday.
I am, in theory, off today.
Free to relax.
Clean house.
Play with my camera.
Perhaps.............

Busy Days

Many, many things keeping this family very busy lately.
Number 1 son will enter his Science Fair with an experiment and explanation of Gel Electrophoresis on Thursday. He has done a good job and been more involved this year than any other year previous. I hope he will at least get an Honorable Mention. This will encourage him - and right now, I feel he needs that. He seems to be putting forth more effort but still not quite what I would wish. And the things that I think should come natural to him by this age do not. I think most of that is simply because he chooses not to. He would much rather focus on the fun things in life. (insert motherly dragon scowl here).
Number 1 daughter is putting forth more effort towards her schoolwork in the last two weeks than she has put in all 12 prior years total! I really am getting very excited to see the second marking period report card. If the progress report was any indication - this should be the best report card EVER.
The man has been fighting his demons - not the prior ones.... This is a bit different. Unfortunately for him, this is 1929.... the stock market has claimed a victim. This has sent him spiraling down into the depths of a depression from which it is very difficult at best to ressurect oneself. All the kings horses and all the kings men have not been able to even put one piece of Humpty back together again. And so, I have sent him to 'reinforcements'.....
I am grateful that I have a job and have been handed the opportunity to straighten out my own financial 'house'. This will enable me to carry my little family through.
And then, there is work........... in addition to all the normal hysteria, we are in the midst of the great transition. And so the 12 hour work day has become extended.............

________________________________________

Today, I believe, was a very important day in history. The inauguration of our first mixed-race president. And a young one at that. I feel more hopeful than I have since that horrible day in 1963.......... I hope that God and good advisors will lead President Obama to do great things for this nation. I believe he has some wonderful ideas - ideas that he has given great thought as to how to accomplish. This is more than I have seen any other presidential hopeful do. And as jaded as my great age has allowed me to become, I truly do believe he wishes to hear what the people say and think - not ONLY what other politico's opinions are and the voices of the various .
However, I must sadly note that, in visiting the website he set up for the citizens of this country to air their ideas and suggestions (can't remember the name - but Laoch kindly listed it in one of his blogs), I saw that the most popular idea put forth was the legalization of marijuana. While I endorse that wholeheartedly - FOR MEDICINAL PURPOSES, I found it very disheartening to note that it had the most votes up by the people. I do not know whether that is because of wonderful communication within the groups whose function is to make this happen or if that is truly how the majority of visitors to this website feel. I would hope that it is the former as the latter would indicate that the citizens are unaware of the plight of our economy, of the forces still dying in Iraq needlessly, of the many children who despite a food surplus are still starving, who despite an enormous education budget - are still illiterate, and the skyrocketing costs of healthcare making medications and care unaffordable for many, of ever-growing unemployment numbers.............and the list goes on and on.
Somehow, when put up against all these things, legalization of marijuana seems small indeed.
In any event, I wish for our new President faith and courage to stand for and stand up for all that he believes and the energy to see all the things he wishes to do through to completion.
May he have a blessed and productive 4 years in office.

Economics 101

Now this is how a business SHOULD manage the current economic struggle.

A Repost

This is a repost from my other blog. Apparently, the vast majority of my circle has defected to blogger due to spam, unfriendlies, and difficulties with MSN making significant and frequent changes. I am not sure whether I will make this my permanent home or not at the moment, however........ for the time being.........

Things often happen that we don't plan. And often do not want. And do not look for.

They happen for a reason. And sometimes, it takes awhile to see that reason and understand it.

It has been a very sad Christmas season in my work group. Less than 50% of us were outsourced - meaning we have jobs. 55% of us were surplussed - which means we do not.

I was among the fortunate few to be outsourced. Thus, my wish to go to work for someone else has been fulfilled - but not in a way that I chose. At first, I was, admittedly very angry about that. This was not MY choice. Now that I think back, perhaps that is why things worked out the way they did - with me being angry enough about my position to accept working for another company - in fact - to pursue it wholeheartedly. This was, perhaps, preparation for this outsourcing.

I did see the writing on the wall - I knew this was coming - although it was not the reason for embarking on a job search. However, I did not see it coming until next year about this time as there was one VERY BIG point which I did not factor into my equation. Once this factor was presented, I realized that the timing was correct.

Needless to say, no one in my work group felt very Christmas-y. Our parties were not well-attended. Some just fizzled out completely. One of the worst parts about this is that, as outsourced people, we remain in our jobs. Thus we will be working side by side with the people who have no jobs for the next few months while they desperately search for jobs within and without. The lucky few next to the condemned. Many of whom have small children they must support.

Understanding how businesses run - with fiscal years and reporting divided up into 4 quarters and the end-of-year being December 31, of course all businesses make a made dash for the best finish right at the end of the year. Which makes December the biggest month for layoffs. One would think, with the majority of the world celebrating some sort of spiritual holiday at this time of year, that some caring business owner might have considered moving the end-of-fiscal year to another quarter - thus avoiding the layoffs at a time of year when depression and suicide are NORMALLY at high rates. It seems strange to me that this has never been considered or implemented.

Now, for the good.... Yes there is much good. This was a blessing in disguise. It turns out that I will actually retire from my current company. Thus, I must figure out what to do with my pension. I have, at 50, the ability to use that in many ways. My current situation leaves me going from week to week - paycheck to paycheck - like many. And in debt enough that it is strangling me. When I divorced, I carried the financial burden of that move. As well as starting out with nothing. I took the kids bedroom sets and my kitchen pots and pans and my clothes and personal items. EVERYTHING ELSE I left. Some things, like couches and chairs, were donated - God bless my good friends with large hearts! Much - dishes, refrigerator, washer, dryer - I needed to purchase. Thus, I have racked up a debt which I am struggling to repay - along with the medical expenses for this year (getting kids into counseling and medicated ........sigh). Turns out that I am allowed to take the medical from the new company - which is significantly more manageable - and, when I truly retire from Corporate America - I will be allowed to return to my former company's medical plan....not good financially - but, ANY medical insurance is better than none at all. The savings from the new companys medical plan will allow me to put some $ into a 401K for the first time. I will most likely access a portion of the pension in what I believe (yes - I am consulting a tax person first) is a tax-free manner - to be able to give my daughter some money toward her college education. I believe that I will be able to do the same for my son when his turn comes in a few years. Also turns out that I can take a chunk of the pension and repay my debts - leaving me debt free for the first time in many, many years. This, however, will come with a 10% 'early retirement penalty'. But, I believe that will be well worth the penalty for the effects that will have a few years down the road.

Needless to say, this has been a very, very busy and stressful few weeks for all of us! The first two months of the year also promise to be very busy and full of decision making, and I hope, promise?

On the KID front:

Number 1 son is now 14. Doing so-so in school - but, with promise for the New Year. He has not been in treatment for long so it is hoped that continuation with bring about more positive changes.

Number 1 daughter - OHMYGOSH! This mothers heart is just SWELLING with pride! So, she was in Chemistry - and even in treatment, it was just not for her. So, two weeks into the SECOND semester, she switched to Physics. PHYSICS, PEEPS!!!!!!!!! She managed to COMPLETE ALL the work from the first semester AND catch up to all the work from the SECOND semester - and the progress report came home with a B+!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!! She is ON HER WAY to HIGH HONORS! Its what we ALWAYS knew she COULD do, she just needed some help! She has an A- in PreCalc, and A+ in English, Marine Science, and her Independant Study!!!!!!!!!!! This girl is HOT!!!!

I am off to unbury my car from the snowstorm yesterday.

Catch ya later!

A Fond Remembrance

This morning I was out and about blog hopping and a memory was stirred.
My aunt Edna. What an amazing person she was. I never really thought so when she was alive - I was, I guess, too young and perhaps too close to her and accepted all she did as normal. And I think I probably looked at her and wondered if she felt that she had missed out on things. Edna never married. Edna never had a child. These things, I have always held as goals to achieve - and had I not achieved them in my lifetime, I felt I would have accomplished nothing.
In retrospect - I believe she accomplished just as much without ever marrying or raising a family.

In a world where men still ruled - my aunt became a manager of people. And she retired from a company after almost 40 years of service as a manager. She did this without a college degree. She was respected by all her co-workers and all of her managers. I worked with some of those same people. It was well known among those closest to her that her bark was MUCH worse than her bite! She had a very proper Bostonian upbringing and was a very prim and imperious person. However, that stern outward mien hid a heart of gold on a mushy interior.
She helped so very many people in her life - often giving chances to people that looked like they didn't deserve a chance. Sometimes she was right - and things worked out very well. And occasionally she was wrong - but not very often.
Edna had a girlfriend from her high school years. She and this woman, Mary, were both very involved in our church. They were part of the Ladies Guild. Many Sundays after mass would find both of them opening the donation envelopes and tallying the monies. Every summer, they worked the church bazaar selling raffle tickets. No trip to the carnival/bazaar was ever complete without a visit to Edna and "The Aunts".
Oh - right - the Aunts. Ok - history time - Mary, Ednas friend, had an aunt called Bubsy and a great aunt - Irene - with whom she lived. Mary had two brothers - Brud (the girls, when they were little, couldn't say "brother" - thus he became "Brud" and remained so to this day), Lorraine, and Vincent. Vincent became a priest and eventually an Monsigneur - so, he is known as Fr. Vin. Lorraine and Brud both married and had families. I never really knew Brud other than his name. Lorraine had 3 children. I knew them all well. First there was JM - oldest brother and called by his initials so not to confuse him with his dad. Then there was Elizabeth - or Buffy. And finally - there was Mary Kate. Mary Kate and I were the same age and went thru school together - thus, you can see there were ties to this family all around. Mary Kate has her own story - but I will save that for another post. So - now you know the Aunts.
The Aunts had another friend who was a local school principal. I cannot, at the moment, recall her name. In those days, there was an organization which offered special tour packages to teachers. This was to, hopefully, further their learning about other countries and cultures. Each year, the Aunts, and Edna and Fr. Vin and this school principal would take a trip. The first year, was a trip to Hawaii and California. Edna got to see Disney LAND shortly after Walt Disney opened it! She saw the Big Island before the BIG STORE CHAINS got in and .............well - in my opinion, kind of ruined it.
Edna was quite the photographer. She had several cameras - from a Brownie to a Kodak Instamatic to a Polaroid that developed its own pictures. And a slide projector. She had several 35mm - both with and without the flash. Sound familiar? My mom recently reminded me of this! LOL.
In any event, she brought me back a grass skirt that year. I think I was 3 or 4. Somewhere, there is a picture of me in her back yard attempting to dance the Hula to strains of Edna singing Aloha Oe wearing this grass skirt and a t-shirt!
Edna and her troupe made many many trips - most of them to Europe and usually 3 nations at a clip. They were all two weeks long. And each trip, she brought back something for each of her sisters, her parents, her nieces and nephews. One year, she went to Spain. On that trip, she bought each of the women in her family a strand of Majorcan pearls. As we girl cousins each turned 18, we received them to keep - but on special occasions (like my Confirmation) prior to that, we were allowed to wear them. They were truly beautiful!
On another trip, she brought back Ice Wool mittens and jackets for everyone. These were made in Iceland and were remarkably light and very very warm!!!!!!!!!!! They still have "thinsulate" beat in my opinion!
My aunt did not cook. She lived with her parents (thus the reason she always had new cars and furs and took many trips). My grandmother (another story) was the most wonderful cook and needlewoman - so Edna had no real need to cook.
Edna's first attempt at cooking (that I can remember) was Chicken Cordon Bleu. Amazingly, she did very well! It was absolutely delicious! Eventually, she took over New Years Day cooking. She did hors d'ouveres. She would put out quite a spread - including pigs in blankets, Swedish Meatballs, luncheon meats and rolls, shrimp with cocktail sauce, and scallops wrapped in bacon.
After her trip to Switzerland, she also put out Cheese Fondue. I had the pleasure of helping to make this once - and learned that buying it premade is definitely preferable! The recipe we had called for a double boiler, gruyere cheese, White Cooking Wine, Bols Kirsch Wasser..... and hours and hours and hours of stirring and stirring and stirring......................... UGH! But when it was done and in the fondue pot - OH what fun! You see - she also brought back the tradition with it. If you dropped your bread in the pot, you had to kiss everyone! Many many kisses from that!!!!!!!!!!
Each of us were exposed to wine too. If we were the "lucky" one who got to spend Friday night at Grandmas, Edna would allow us to share a small glass of wine with her on Friday night after work. Usually it was Catawba Pink. About a thimble full - but we thought it was COOL! Later on, she discovered Cold Duck. Chilled. To my childs taste buds, Catawba Pink was MUCH PREFERABLE as it was a very sweet wine, the Cold Duck was slightly bitter (dry).
All through my childhood, Edna really led quite a charmed life. She went to the beach every Saturday during the summer with her friend Mary. A big treat for us was being allowed to walk all the way (100 yards) down the crowded beach to visit with Edna and Mary and lay on the beach with her and borrow her colored sun shades! These were little gizmos that looked like two plastic spoons attached by a nose piece - they fit nicely over your eyes and kept the sun out.
Because of Edna, I knew what the crater of Mauna Loa looked like at sunrise from a plane window, saw the deep blue-green of the Aegean Sea long before Mamma Mia was filmed there, knew where the Matterhorn really was (and that Walt Disney had copied it for one of his rides at Disney Land), saw the tiny streets of Rome, knew that Donkey Rides into the Grand Canyon were fun but very painful!, knew where Llardo's, Hummels, and Waterford Crystal all came from and how they were made and how to tell the difference between a "Master"s work and an "Apprentice" work in each (yes, there really is a distinct difference!). Because of Edna, I knew who Al Hirt was (and LOVED Java!), I knew what early 60's Jamaican Rock sounded like (If I had the wings like a dove!), and fell in love with Grasshopper Pie (whipped cream with Green Creme De Menthe in a chocolate graham cracker crust). I knew what 78 records were and heard the original recording of "Domenique" by the Singing Nun! Because of Edna, I read every Nancy Drew, Cherry Ames, Hardy Boys, Ruth Fielding, Patty O'Neal, and Judy Bolton book from printed from 1932 thru 1940. I developed a passion for the printed word that exists to this day. From Edna, we all learned how to cut sandwich meat so that it fit the bread perfectly, and how to have the deli slice the cheese very thin and repackage every deli purchase so that it looked like it was still on the block! We also learned how to print each letter of the alphabet in perfect blocks so they fit precisely inside those little boxes on forms.
In her later years, her life was not quite so charmed. In another blog, I wrote a bit about taking care of my grandparents and how the whole family helped to keep them at home all their lives. Edna lived with them and thus was instrumental in the orchestration of such. She moved out of her bedroom and into my grandparents room where she slept with my grandmother. My grandfather slept in a bed in the living room. While Edna went to work, my mother and her sister alternated the days taking care of the grandparents until Edna came home at night.
Edna spent over ten years traveling no further than her office or the grocery store. Not once do I ever remember her complaining. She did not attend a play. She only went out to a company dinner on the very rare occasions that my mother or her sister could stay overnight with their parents. She no longer even went to Pennsylvania to visit Fr. Vin with the Aunts. For someone who had spent the majority of her adult life doing exactly as she pleased, this had to be a very big let down. The chains of caring for two elderly people had to weigh on her very heavily. But, this never occurred to me till recently because not once in all those years did I ever hear her say one word about it. She simply accepted that this was what she had to do and did it.
When they passed away, she was once again free to do as she pleased.
But not for long.
In the fall of 1988, she was diagnosed with 3rd stage Pancreatic Cancer. To this day, there is no cure. They did surgery to reroute the gastric system to bypass the pancreas. This gave her a bit more time, but not enough.
That last Christmas, my now x-husband and I went to her home and put up her Christmas tree. She was determined that Christmas would be no different for our family than it ever was. She loved the color white. Most of her cars were white with white interiors. And her Christmas tree had nothing but white lights! The decorations that she put on she had made herself. Today, those ornaments decorate my tree. We both can still hear the echos in our mind of "It needs more lights!".
The best memory I have of Edna though, was St. Patricks Day in 1989. Edna took my mother and I out for dinner at an Irish restaurant. The maternal side of my family is as Irish as the day is long and no holiday made Edna as happy as St. Paddy's day! Edna was having trouble eating by that time. She had her good days and others..........well..... But, being St. Paddys day, it must be celebrated! Edna and my mom had the Corned Beef and cabbage. Not being much for cabbage, I thought I would try Irish Stew - which I had never in my life had. I will never forget the look on my aunts face when I finished the last drop of stew and pronounced it the most WONDERFUL dish I had ever had! I'm not sure why - Edna's face just lit up with joy at that pronounciation! I remember that happy, almost elf-like smile and that is what I see when I picture her today. I think because Edna was most happy making other people happy - and she knew that she had made me happy!
Edna passed away in the fall of 1989 - just a day before her 62nd birthday. She lived just long enough to see me engaged (and threaten my fiancee with breaking his kneecaps with her cane from heaven if he did ANYTHING to make me unhappy!), and her first great-nephew (my brothers son) born.
The night she passed, my brother and I went to see her for a short time - she had lapsed into a coma and we heard the "death rattle". The hospice nurses had told us it would not be long..... My brother and I were living in her house at that time. He was downstairs in my grandparents old bedroom. Around 10:35, I was upstairs on the phone with my fiancee. The lights went off. The phone went dead. For almost a minute - there was NOTHING but pitch black upstairs. I ran downstairs - and asked my brother if everything was alright - he had noticed nothing. I ran back upstairs and, with a shaking voice - asked if the fiancee was still on the line - in his voice I heard fear - he told me that he had heard nothing at all for a bit........... And then pure calm as I realized what had happened a fact my mother confirmed the next day. The time of complete darkness on only ONE FLOOR of Ednas home (which was not wired so that the second floor was separate from the first) ... was the time of her passing.
Fr. Vin drove in from Pennsylvania and was given permission to say her funeral mass at a local church.
I always wished that she could have lived long enough to meet my daughter. But I believe she is enjoying Teresa's growing years anyway. I miss her to this day. As do many who were affected by her. Her life was special and wonderful!
Thank you all for taking this trip down memory lane with me and sharing the spirit of a woman to remember!

So...What would you do???

Hypothetical situation: You are Mr. Paulson. You have a financial mess in your country. By the way - just to make things interesting, the rest of the world is in the same financial mess....

So, you have a few dollars to spread around and lots of places to put it............. What are you going to do with it?

Feel free to write a tome.......I am interested in anything anyone might have to say!

So.....what about Sarah?

Well, what do you all think about John McCain's choice of running mate?

I have done some serious reading - not in the tabloids - on some very good political websites. And watched some speeches and interviews. Because, as far as I'm concerned, she just came from out of nowhere....... really. Never heard of her before she was chosen. Of course, I can't claim to have followed Alaskan politics as I've always lived here on the east coast of the US.

What a lady!

There is only one place where we have a serious disagreement - and that is the issue of abortion. She and I are simply at complete opposite ends of the spectrum on that. I think that might have something to do with the 8 year difference in our ages. She may not remember when abortion was done illegally in back alleys with coat hangers.......... and a lot of young rising stars were extinguished because of this. There are enough problems now with infants born and left in dumpsters........this problem and the problem of young women dying due to non-sterile procedures would simply escalate.
However, looking further - at the state of the country and what candidate is best for our country, I can only say one thing - I wish that Sarah Palin were running for president. She would have my vote in a split second!
Yes, I'm aware she changed her mind on the Bridges to Nowhere. And your point would be what? That she will change her mind? Uh - most of us do. When one set of facts is presented, our minds go one way. When a subsequent set of facts is provided - our minds can change based on this new information - and this new information may not have been available at the time that the first set of facts was.......... Think about it.
This is a woman who will stand up for what she believes in. She has proved that. This is a woman who will not back down in a firefight. She has proved that too. This is a woman who can hold a demanding political position and STILL be a good mother.

Oh - wait - you want to air her 'dirty laundry' and discuss her pregnant teen daughter? I'm sorry, I agree with Mr. Obama on that one - the mistakes that the children make who are old enough to make their own decisions - should not reflect on the parents political ability. Further, the child has made the same decision the mother would have in choosing to keep the child and marry the father. This, I believe demonstrates the support of the family and the moral values with which the child was raised.

As mayor, she took a pay cut.
She created cuts in spending that got her government back on track both as mayor and governor. Those things call for a stiff spine! She fired people who were not living up to the expectations of honesty in public officials!
She is ready to open up the small portion of ANWR necessary to help lessen our dependancy on foreign oil.
She is a lifetime member and supporter of the NRA and the right of Americans to bear arms. While I'm far from a gun-toter myself, I agree with this stance. First: the vast majority of crimes are commtted by people who obtained their weapons illegally. This will occur no matter how much we regulate weapons. Secondly: negating the ability of Americans to own weapons legally creates a better black market for them and keeps more criminals in business. So, gun control is a good thing how? More gun safety courses - now THATS something I can go for! Accidents do happen! Innocent lives are lost - safety IS an issue.
And she has stated that Special Needs Children will have an advocate in the White House if she is elected. Hard to believe she would NOT follow through on that one since her youngest is a special needs child.
All in all - a good candidate for assisting in the running of our country, I'd say.

I was on the fence as to where my vote would be cast......for the militant male war hero or the man with the plan and no proof to puddin............ This, to me, was a choice of the lesser of two evils.
Now, I see a different choice - and a better one.

Internal Disagreement

I am at war with myself.

Are you?

Part of me realizes that the only way the human race will survive is for all of us to learn to work together. I know that this will require everyone to treat each other as neighbors, as friends. I know that this will require all boundaries be erased - that everyone be allowed to roam freely across this planet we call home. I know our survival depends on us learning to accept diversity. To live with a diametrically opposing culture right next door comfortably. I know, too, that these principals are a long way from being reality.

We need to accept that we can solve problems without violence. How's that for one heck of a concept? Most of us can't co-exist peacefully with our families..........people who are much like us. How are we ever going to get to the point where we can co-exist with ANYONE no matter how disparate they are? How can we accept the right of our neighbors to BE our neighbors when we are ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that our neighbors should only be people just like us? How can we accept the right of our neighbors to practice Kabala or Judaism or Catholicism when we are ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that whatever WE practice is the ONLY right way? How can we accept that our neighbor drinks alcohol or is a vegan when we are CERTAIN beyond the SHADOW of a doubt that not drinking or eating of once-living things is the only way to live? And that all other ways are just "stupid", or "false", or "dumb".....

We need a world banking system or bartering system. I apologize to all of you who trade in dollars and yens - but, we do. One currency. One value. Everyone trades in it. Level the playing field. My widget should not be worth any more or less depending on where I sell it. If I sell it in France, I should get the same amount of currency as I get selling it in the US, or China, or Nigeria. It should cost the same to make too - regardless of where I make it. Because my labor costs the same whether my plant is in India or Brazil or the US.

One government. For everyone. With only one rule. To treat all as human beings should be treated - with love, compassion and respect. Completely equal rights. No one group of people should be more equal than any other. No quotas of having so many of one and so many of another. The best person for the job gets the job, period. If that person is an African-American female - great. If that person is an Asian male - great. Whichever is better suited for the job at hand. We all have our skill sets. And no matter how good we are, someone is always better. Deal with it.

Healthcare and the basic necessities for all. That means a place to live, a bed to sleep in, and food to eat. The necessities. Money should not determine who lives and who dies, who has a roof over their heads and who shivers on the street, who suffers from malnutrition and who has more than enough to fill their bellies and have leftovers. Doctors, nurses, radiographers, physicians assistants, nurse practitioners..........if you all are NOT in your field because you have a calling to be there - a real concern for the health of others - then WHY ARE YOU THERE? If its just the money - you need to find another profession. Get over it.

Oh - yes, and EVERYONE works. At something. No free rides. Just because you are continually sad or missing a leg or an eye or have back trouble or ataxia - doesn't mean you can't do SOMETHING. If you want to have personal possessions - jewelry, car, computer, stereo - the finer things in life - you WORK for them. At whatever you are capable of. If you can get up and make coffee in the morning for yourself, then you can make coffee for others. If you can log onto a computer, you can do data entry. You can visit with someone who needs a visitor. If you do not learn well, you can learn to use a shovel to build a foundation or chauffeur someone to a destination or you can learn to vacuum a rug.

And my final point (I can hear you all groaning now) - we need to abolish borders. I think, to most of us, this is about the most abhorrent thing I could have said. We have so very many illegal aliens here sponging off our largesse that the thought of NOT having respected borders leaves a very bad taste in our mouths. They come to our country by boat, by walking, by driving, by swimming. Some come here legally temporarily, build a life here and let their "temporary" expire without "re-upping". They give birth in our hospitals at our expense and we HAVE to take care of their children because our laws state that if you are born here, you are an American citizen. They work under the table and pay no taxes. They can go on social security but never have to pay into it.

And here is where I war with myself.............Why should I pay for someone to have a baby here when I can't afford to have one myself? Why should I pay for that child to have an education and food when my sons and daughters are eating pasta because that is what we can afford. Why should my tax dollars go to clothe the child of a person who does not pay taxes here when my child is in patched up jeans and sneakers with holes in them? Why should I support that persons fuel bill when I know that I will not be able to keep up with my fuel bill this winter? If we just put stronger border controls in place............If we brought our boys home from Afghanistan and Iraq and Iran and Germany and Japan and Russia and all the other places we have them stationed, and put them to work as border guards........ If, instead of (inhumanely) "detaining" these people, we just put them on ferry boats or planes WITH their children born here and sent them back to wherever they came from - would we not, then, have more for our country? Wouldn't we? Take care of our house first. Get the U.S. in order and fix OUR troubles before we reach out to help others. More for us.......less for THEM......... You can't have it - its MINE! I'm gonna take my toys and go HOME! NYAH. And we shut our doors.And our hearts. And our minds.

Children are taught from early on to share. And they are also taught to protect what is theirs............ How confusing is that? So, we grow up to be confused adults. Who can share SOMETIMES. But other times, we want the whole pie all to ourselves. For us. For our kids. For our community. For our country........ ALL FOR ME, NONE FOR YOU.

So...........how will this war end? I don't know. My heart goes both ways. Because, I am the confused adult who was taught to share but was also taught to protect what is mine and to do for my own........... and I know that, worldwide, this conflict will not end in my lifetime. It will not end in my children's or their children's lifetimes. So, I am torn. What do I believe in? Do I stand for all illegal aliens being deported regardless of the circumstances? Do I stand against a woman coming here to give birth because she knows her child will have a better life here than wherever she is from? As a parent, would I do any different for my child? Or do I stand for these people being able to 'freeload' off my hard-earned tax dollars?

I do not know the answer............

Is It Just Me?

Or has anyone else noticed that their gas tanks seem to hold more gas all of a sudden?
No - really. I'm not crazy.
My significant other has noticed the same thing.
When my fuel gauge is right on E (yes, I know it has a reserve), I have generally put about 13.5 gallons of gas in. This was true for all the years I have owned the car (5) - except for this year. This last year, I am able to get something like 14.5 - and once, even 15 into this tank!
How?
Would anyone care to hazard a guess?
Oh - no, I am NOT getting any more miles to a tank of gas............ you would think I would as I am obviously putting more gas into the car - but I'm not. (Yes, its been tuned and yes I have double platinums in there and yes I have had the oil changed.)
I'm sure this is a phenomena that happens to some cars in particular and not others. And it is obviously some phenomena of which neither I nor my significant other are aware.
Any ideas?
Or maybe............could it really be just us?

A Bicycle Built for....................YOU?

This week, it appears that oil is taking a turn for the worse. Bad for the oil moguls. Good for the general populace....... Oil is now almost 25$ off or less than its high of a week ago. This means that all of the by-products of oil - including gasoline - will also come down in price. Of course, if you live in Connecticut - you know that our gasoline prices go up faster and come down slower than the other 49 states. We don't have an understanding of why that phenomena is - just that it IS.....

The price of oil and its counterpart - gasoline - has forced some changes on all of us. Certainly, no one's paychecks are going up commensurate with the price of consumables. So, we must all tighten our belts a bit in many places.

As a single mom of two very active kids, it is difficult at best to get the kids everywhere they have to go when they need to be there. To do so without the assistance of a gasoline-powered vehicle, harder still. Yes, I could trade my current gas-guzzler in for a hybrid - with college for one child looming, I really cannot afford to do so - especially not a hybrid which is significantly more initially. And, of course, NOT using a car is NOT an option. At least not most of the time.

There are those times, though, when the errand I am running only involves me. And it may be only to pick up one or two things. So, this winter, I went to the local discount store and purchased this:














A nifty little invention - and in PURPLE too - this dragons FAVORITE color!
I also purchased this other little dynomite thing to go with it:
Neat, aren't they?

So - I suppose you are thinking to yourself - "Gee, self, that kinda looks like more work than I wanna do." Or perhaps you are thinking, "and HOW do you bring milk or bread back from the store???"

Well - to answer the first question - it is a lot of work. But its GOOD work! Note the headphones on the helmet? I can put my very favorite tunes on my mp3 player, clip it to my shirt, plug the headphones in - and - INSTANT RADIO! Dragon Style! The headphones are on the helmet - NOT on my ears so I can hear the tunes I want to hear and still hear traffic!
Start small.... just around the block at first. And then expand in ever-widening circles. It does not take long - even for this ancient dragon - to get accustomed to pedaling 8 miles or more in any given day. I get to "take time to smell the roses" - I see things that I would NEVER see in a car. It DOES take me longer to get to my destination - but I get there - and in better shape than when I left.

So....you are still wondering about transporting things?............... I was too. For a long time. And then I bought a camera - and I wanted to be able to take it with me - because I enjoy snapping pictures. But, I have a BIG camera - not one of those neat little compact things..... And what about taking a blanket to the beach? And sunscreen? And my water? And then it hit me - a backpack! For just a few dollars, I purchased a pink (there WASN'T any purple GRRRR) backpack. I can fit EVERYTHING I could ever want in it! And, when I want to run to the local sub shop and pick up a sub, I can empty the beach towels out and there is plenty of room for subs...... Same for running to the corner store for bread or milk.

For the times that I actually use this two-wheeled vehicle to provide transportation (as opposed to riding for exercise or enjoyment), I really do not save a lot. But, when combined with other methodologies, a definite savings can be recognized.

And that is all for today.
More to come.........

Energy Crisis - Who Is To Blame

Many years ago, I was in an organization that worked hard to pin blame when something went wrong. End result: when something goes wrong, everyone knows who to blame. I have also had the experience of being in an organization that worked to get the problem fixed when something went wrong. End result: the problem got fixed.

In this time of crisis - and make no mistake - this IS a time of crisis - we can blame the speculators - after all, their speculations can drive the price of commodities in the market artificially high. Currently, this translates to higher prices for heating our homes and driving to work.

We can also blame the de-valued dollar. As of this morning, the exchange rate for the American dollar in the European market is $0.62 (that would be the "Eurodollar" - the currency that OPEC has talked about using as currency of choice for their oil going forward). Therefore, the prices of the things we buy is greater.

We can blame the environmentalists for pushing measures through Congress which do not allow us to drill for oil in many places where drilling would not only be possible but profitable.
We could blame "Big Oil" for raking in huge profits across the last few years and laughing all the way to the bank.
We can blame the Bush administration for its magical manipulation of the economy to support "Big Oil" - a community to which Bush and many of his constituents belong.

We can also blame the Iraqi's who refuse to push their output of crude much higher - that supply and demand thing - the greater the demand, the higher the price.

We can even subscribe to the "conspiracy" theory - whether you believe its a plot to support terrorism, or a plot for monetary gain by the already fabulously wealthy oil magnates, or a plot by the environmentalists to force alternative energy on America.
Any and all of these ideas have been put forth and are entirely possible. I find most people subscribe to one theory or another.
We can blame ALL of these groups and theories and, I'm sure, a great many more. End result: eventually - everyone will know who to blame.

None of this, however, addresses the problem we have - our immediate crisis: Higher energy costs. Each and every one of us is affected to some degree. We have higher home heating costs. We have higher cost of goods and services brought on by higher cost of transportation and general day-to-day cost-of doing business. We have higher cost of gasoline and petroleum-based products.
These are the facts we must live with now and into the foreseeable future.

In coming posts, I shall attempt to address energy related issues from various perspectives. I will share information as I find it and as it becomes pertinent.
Stay tuned and thank you for reading.

A Change of Venue

Possibly even a change of atmosphere. Darkness has enveloped me enough.
This blog has traditionally been my blog for venting.
Time for a change....... to step into and STAY in the light!
Now it is time for MotherHenDragon to see what is out there in the world...........what new and exciting opportunities are available.
My newest venture has been photography - and I have managed to capture the spirit of a great many of natures finer moments. I shall share many of those as time goes one.
Join me on my new adventure, won't you?

Snow Stopped for now

Yes - it has.....but I can't tell for how long. I just don't feel like this is really it. Now, that doesn't mean I can't be convinced or that I'm not prayin just as hard as I can for it to really be the end - it just means that I've lost the faith for the moment.
This is horrible to say - even more horrible to write - but - for the very first time since I met this man, I was truly disgusted by him and wanted nothing to do with him. I did not want to talk to him. I did not want to be around him. The thought of him kissing me? UGH! And that is a horrible, horrible feeling. I know that its not really HIM that I abhor - its what he is doing to himself - and to us - that I abhor. And now all the work begins - he thinks the work is just for him to do.... It isn't. Now, I need to go through every shirt pocket, every sock, every shoe, every pants pocket, every pair of underwear, every book - and every page of every book, every drawer, every pill bottle, every possible place where you can put these bags....and they are no bigger than my pinkie. Can you imagine? Something THAT small? Its like looking for a needle in a haystack. And just because one finds 'fire' (a lighter) doesn't mean that the smoke is close at hand.... So, there is just nothing that one can use as a clue. Ya just have to go through everything. Its hard. Its work I do not enjoy under ANY circumstances - but less right now because I'm so angry.
I'm angry because I feel that I provided a good home for him. I supported him in his efforts to stay away from the snow. I supported his efforts at getting a job - and getting promoted. Every morning, I get up and I get his coffee, wake him up, iron his clothes, put out his breakfast and pack his lunch - I make his sandwich with love and slice it just he way he likes it. Anything he has asked for, I have gotten. When he comes home, he has time for a short nap and dinner is on the table. His laundry gets brought down to the washer, washed, dried, folded and brought back up. I listen to everything he has to say about his job - I offer support and concern and guidance when its wanted....all this in addition to the 12-hour-a-day job that I work PLUS the stuff I get to do being a single mother of two teenagers!
For all of this, I get a weatherman - he can make it snow - "now theres snow in the palm trees, snow in the sand - it snows all day for 60$ a gram - now they strung out and high and hung out to dry, its in the air that they breathe, the food that they buy. They think that they can fly but thats a white lie!" (excerpt from the song "VICE" by Grandmaster Melle Mel - used in Miami Vice II) ..
UGH. Oh yes - and I also get LESS than 1/4 of all the basic household bills per month NOT INCLUDING FOOD!!! Whats up with that??? Less than 1/4. I asked for 1/4 - just 1/4 - because I have 2 kids that are largely grown - and I am responsible for them.... I ask for NO HELP with raising them or any of their expenses - not even from their FATHER have I asked for that..... and he, being the wonderful father he is (insert snort of derision here) gives exactly that - NO help!Well, thats ok - because I am the one who wanted them - and they KNOW that!
But - geez - this makes the, like 5th or so guy who has just taken advantage of me long term.... Now THAT just blows! He is making enough that he can cut back on his pension distribution - and still pay down his debts. But, not put any money into the groceries that HE is eating?!
And sex? We don't have ANY! Because he hasn't given up this obsession long enough for any of the necessary hormones to go back into production on their own. This stuff DESTROYS the pleasure-pain epicenters.... and he is older anyway so you combine the two and - instant FAGEDABOUDIT - NOT HAPPENIN! No - viagra does NOT work on self-destruction. Nothing does except TIME! Time that he WON''T give his body to heal.
I'm sorry I am rattling - but I am just really disgusted with this whole thing and with myself for allowing myself to be taken advantage of yet again. I got to the point over the weekend where I got beyond the shame of having my relatives and friends look down on me for yet another failed relationship and got to the point where I was ready to tell him to pack his stuff and go find another apartment. Now - that was a hard place to get to ..... but, his disease was manifesting itself ever worse. And it was only a matter of time before the kids figured it out. I did NOT want that!
Ok.....now that I've poured out my anger...... and this may not be the last time I pour out anger - I am probably going to a nar-anon meeting this week to dump some more.....
But - anyway - now that I've dumped a bit, I feel a little bit better and ready to go back at the sock drawer again....sigh
Wish me luck.

So this is Christmas

and what have we done - another year older and a new one just begun..................

And exactly what have I done this year. Well..... wasted a lot of time for one thing. Time I don't have to waste.
And spent a lot of time alone.
Which isn't too bad if you know that is what you are doing. Its all the time that I didn't expect to be alone that I was anyway that kind of gets to me.
And I've eaten my way to the next size clothes. I think perhaps I have entered into a delightfully depressed state.
I spent a lot of time trying to find a mate. That was the most complete bust ever. I also spent a lot of time being the "other woman" - a role that I find disgusting......... a role I didn't want. The role I aspired to was that of friend. Lets see - what is this - now THREE times. Darn! Three times in one year............ So, I guess its time to stop.
And stop kidding myself. Somehow I keep thinking there is someone out there who will look beyond the ugly old dragon and see the happy child that wants so badly to come out. Funny - no one can get beyond the outer appearance. The dragons scales and large body send them all away.
This will be my third Christmas alone.
Its better than being alone in the middle of a crowd of people.
I'm just not sure how much better.
Alone is alone.
I was alone when I was married.
I'm alone now that I'm divorced.
And I guess I'd just better get used to it.............................. because this is how I will spend the last portion of my life.
alone.
Do I choose it? No.
But it seems my only other alternative is to be the "Other Woman" - not quite good enough to be THE woman. If I cannot be THE woman - then I will be nothing at all..... I will never again fall for that role.
I just don't wear it well.

Peace on earth and good will to all.
The Christmas Dragon