For Cecil

Once upon a time a long time ago, I read a book called Bless the Beasts and Children. It became a movie with the title song of the same name being sung by the Carpenters. Sadly, that was when I learned that people kill animals for the pure enjoyment of doing so. I have listened to hunters tell me of their exploits and even showing me pictures - all while quietly vomiting into my hand. I try very hard not to put others down for any reason - after all, who am I to judge? It is not my life. I do not know what drives them or why. And certainly, I have many faults of my own which others find incomprehensible. 

Once upon a time not all that long ago, we had to (and some societies still do) hunt for food. I understand this. These same people will also take each part of the animal not used for food and re-purpose it for other things such as blankets, shoes, carry-alls, hair ties, etc. While I do not like the taking of ANY life for ANY reason - survival is understandable. That is the way of nature - survival of the fittest. This is not wasteful. This is natural. No - I do not LIKE it - but, I understand it and I can accept it. 

I have also NOT posted on many controversial issues because of the potential for my opinion to be used against me - in the job market or otherwise. I have played it 'safe'. 
However.......... "the time has come, the walrus said, to speak of many things......." 
Today, I will no longer vomiting quietly into my hand.
Today I am going to be VERY LOUD be because I wish TO BE HEARD by anyone who will listen. (sadly, of course, those who will listen, for the most part, will NOT be those who need to hear - however, what needs to be said needs to be said. 
It isn't the first time I have done this - nor will it be the last. 

         **********************************************************************************

An open letter to Hunters who hunt for SPORT. 

This is NOT a sport. A sport is 'fair competition'  between 2 or more living beings. The purpose of this fair competition is to show off ones prowess at a particular thing. To show that one has a better eye, is in better physical shape, or can do different things better than others. This type of fair competition is held on grounds and terms that level the playing field for all participants. 

Taking lives is NOT A SPORT!  
Taking lives is NOT a competition. 
Taking the life of an animal has a proven connection to taking the lives of people. 
Taking lives for fun proves that life is NOT sacred - that life means nothing!
DOES YOUR LIFE MEAN NOTHING?
If you can take a life for fun - why don't you join ISIS? 
Taking lives for FUN is something that we DID do - remember the original purpose of the Coliseum in Rome? 

If you wish to prove your prowess - please feel free to make more clay pigeons. If you MUST prove your prowess by firing at a moving target - try Paintball. Or any one of a million carnival games - you will spend a WHOLE LOT LESS MONEY that way too! 

You do not prove your prowess when you take an animals life for fun.
You do you impress me when you take a life FOR NO OTHER REASON than to prove that you can.
This is NOT a good thing. It does NOT thrill or excite me to see another trophy head on your wall.   
Did you stop to think about the fawns hidden in a glade 3/4 of a mile away from where you KILLED THEIR MOTHER?
Did you stop to think about the cubs who are now subject to infanticide since they no longer have the protection of the ruling male of their pride?
You don't take JUST ONE LIFE when you hunt an animal - you take MANY. And the innocent ones - the ones who are left behind - they die by starvation. They die alone, in pain, in fear. OH - wait - you don't think animals can feel........  Come out from under your rock - they most certainly DO feel. They feel the physical pain. They feel the emotional pain. Does this make you feel good? Do you feel strong and invincible? Powerful? 

Taking a life proves that you care NOTHING for animals. 
Taking a life proves that you care NOTHING for ..................... 

Pro Choice

I am.

Why, you ask? How could someone as pacifistic as I be for the killing of unborn children. How can I support what amounts to murder?

How could I NOT support abortion.
How can YOU not support abortion.
Do you have any idea how many unwanted children there are?
Do you have any idea how many children are in foster care or in orphanages?
Until the system under which we theoretically 'protect' children is fixed, it is only pragmatic to support abortion.
For those casting judgement on those who would abort a fetus rather than subject that fetus to the probability that the child created will go from foster home to foster home OR WORSE - IF that child survives - I ask you to THINK logically and compassionately for a moment. Step outside of your religious dogma and think and feel for yourself.
We have a system which puts prospective adoptive parents through the wringer AT THEIR EXPENSE to determine whether they are fit parents for a child. If you have not adopted yourself or been close to someone who has while they were going through the process, you have NO IDEA what is involved. The adoptive costs are prohibitive enough that those who COULD afford to RAISE the child simply cannot afford the expense of ADOPTING the child. And the emotional heartache of the interviews required and in-depth background checks done on prospective parents - and the possibility that you could get all the way to meeting the child, holding him or her in your arms, and have the birth mother change her mind...... Do you have any idea what emotional toll this takes of a prospective adopting parent? Yes - these things HAPPEN. Do you know that when the child is transferred to your care - that is NOT 'final'? It is a year before that happens. A year in which you fall in love with your adoptive son or daughter, a year in which you care for them, read them stories, tuck them into bed, wake at the least little sound, sleep on the floor next to the crib when the child is sick - or stay up all night pacing to sooth a sick or teething or colicky baby. And the child that you are caring deeply for can still be taken from you.
How many children are placed under the auspices of an overworked government Child Services department. What kind of life do they have? Do they get love? Do they get a kiss and a story from a loving adult? Is there someone to "kiss the booboo and make it better"? Do they have an adoring adult to explain why the sky is blue? If they are EXTREMELY fortunate to be placed with foster parents whose hearts are welcoming - yes. The majority? Not a snowballs chance.
Is that what you want to give the unborn fetus? A chance at this? 
I have raised two children. The expense of children, as anyone who has them knows, is great. When you are adding diapers and formula to the weekly budget - that is hard. The gallons of milk and dance lessons and/or little league - sometimes prohibitive. BUT - when you do this on a daily basis, it can be budgeted in. A parent tries to start saving for college when the child is born. Again - an added expense - but, on a daily basis - manageable.
But when one has to initially outlay as much as one might on a new car or an entire year of college at an Ivy League school to adopt the child - the cost becomes prohibitive - and left to those who can manage finances well or are in the upper end of middle class. As I said before - I have raised two children. I'm a LOUSY money manager who can't manage to hold on to two plug nickles - BUT - my children NEVER lacked for anything. No - they don't have Alienware computers..... but, they sure do have computers - a necessity for school today. No - they don't have Jordan sneakers - but they DO have sneakers that are clean and fit comfortably. No - they don't have Prime Rib for dinner, but you should see what I can do with a bottom round London broil and some fresh vegetables. If God had not seen fit to bless me with children of my own, could I have adopted? No. Not a snowballs chance in hell. Fortunately for both me and my two children, He DID see fit to bless me. And they ARE a blessing! But - could I have adopted? My heart is certainly big enough to adopt. Obviously, I can provide for a child. But, could I have saved the money to adopt a child before I was no longer capable of parenting him or her? Nope. How many other potential parents are out there that can provide for a child but not adopt? How many prospective parents are available for infants, but laws are so restrictive here that they go overseas? Once a child gets "into the system" - what becomes of them? Do you have any idea what an orphanage is like? I don't. I do know that I would not want to see a child in one. By virtue of the fact that there are many children to one adult, there is no way that there can be the kind of individual attention that a child in a parental home would have. And what happens to a child raised in an orphanage or in foster care when they turn 18? Do you know? I don't - but I can make a guess....  "See ya - wouldn't want to be ya". '
Is that what you want to give the unborn fetus? A chance at this?
Do you really think that an unwanted fetus will have more? Please take the rose-colored glasses off and wake up - the chances of that are slim to none. The stories of Cinderella and Snow White are just that - stories. Only a handful of these rejected children will have a happy life.
Have you thought about the child of rape? (and if you think such a thing as 'legitimate rape' exists, then please take yourself OFF my friends list - you are too ignorant to be a friend of mine.) Have you thought about the child of incest? Or the child of a mother addicted to ? (fill in blank with your choice of oft-abused drug). Or the children of prostitutes? Or the children of a child-mother? Are any of these choices better than aborting a fetus? Do you REALLY think that these children will turn out just fine? Happy, well-adjusted, well-educated?  Do you really think this is better than not being born at all? Look deep into your soul and heart.....

Is there pain for an aborted fetus? I don't know. I don't think the experts really know either. One can only die once. Once born, one can 'die' millions of times........... Is that a good thing? I don't believe so.
Yes, its a hard thing to swallow. I don't like the idea of taking a life - especially not if one can feel the pain of crossing over to death. Heck, even the thought of putting my animals to sleep when they are in too much pain makes me cry for years...  But - if the life that they are condemned to is one of  continuous emotional pain, of constant rejection - is that reasonable? Is it fair. Will that child thank you for its life of misery? Is it only the life? Or does the quality of life have meaning?

If quality of life has any meaning at all - Pro choice is the ONLY option - at least until we have a way of matching up a child that needs parents with parents that WANT  a 'forever' child!

Quality? or Quantity. Part 1

I am about to go on a tirade that could possibly get me in a lot of trouble. It shouldn't. It is nothing more than my opinion - however, with all the 'internet spying' going on and rules about what one can and cannot do with 'social media' and still retain ones job or life ..............

However, there are a few things in this world on which I not only have an opinion but very strong feelings about.

This is one of those.

I am grateful that I lived in the time I did. When I needed an abortion, it was obtainable. That may well not be true in the very near term. Many southern states have enacted legislation that, while couched in terms which would have one believe that it is solely for the support of women's health, are in reality, intended to, and in fact DO, limit or completely abolish access to legal abortions.

The age-old argument, of course, is the question of when human life becomes viable. For the thinking minds of the anti-abortion supporters, I have a question - why is this the ONLY or even the PRIMARY determinant ?

I would agree that human life is viable immediately upon conception. I would also agree that fetus' can feel pain. I also, unconditionally believe that life is precious. ALL LIFE. NO exceptions.  I also believe that no one life is MORE or LESS precious or valuable than any other.

I can also agree with those who feel that the right to abortion is seriously misused in this country. Many treat it as if it were nothing more than a normal part of life - casual. Rather the same way many look at divorce - a way to try marriage out and see if it works. The rights to abortion allow, and even promote - excessive promiscuity - and I would certainly agree that is not a good thing any more than excessive indulgence in any enjoyable pastime is a good thing.

All that said - I still firmly believe that women should retain the right to a legal, and therefore reasonably safe abortion performed by qualified physicians in a clinical environment at a cost that is not so exorbitant as to prevent the majority from obtaining same. I believe we need to remember that there is always good and bad in everything - every freedom we have has its ups or good points - and also its bad or down side.... NOTHING is perfect. We will never have a law that is perfect for everyone. The 'majority rules' always leaves out the minority............

My personal reasoning here is much the same as my reasoning for animal rights activists standing down a bit AND for the right of a person to terminate their own life..........  Don't see the link there? I'm not surprised. Its a tough one.

Consider adopting a rescue animal. The reason for the application and the review thereof is to screen out those who are not good 'potential pet parents'.  This is good - to catch some (but DEFINITELY not all) people who are animal abusers. But - it also lets out those with nothing more than love to give. Its easy to feed, house, and love an animal. Vet bills, however, get extremely expensive. So, there are pet parents out there who could and would love to give an animal a 'forever home' but will not be allowed to because they cannot afford the vet bills.  With all the rescue animals in shelters, and many more still on the 'street', it doesn't make logical sense that financial support should be a determining factor. While animal welfare agencies intents are pure and good, the reality leaves so many adoptable animals without 'forever homes' and people without furry companions. Is remaining in a shelter for the rest of their lives really better than allowing them to go to a loving family who cannot afford vet bills?

Now consider the right to die - again, we are making a decision for a person without truly looking at all the sides and all the information. If a person is terminally ill and their demise is imminent - say within a few months, why is it the right of the law to determine that this person is NOT allowed to CHOOSE to end their life? It seems rather strange to me that those who have never been in that position are the ones who have the right to make the decision that everyone must live until they die naturally.  This stems from that 'under God' theory. Most Christian religions believe that only the "Highest Power" (whatever you choose to call Him or Her, God, Allah, Yahweh, Mother Earth, etc...) has the right to choose when one passes from this life. Nice in theory - BUT, if the quality of life is so horrible that one spends their days in agony, or incapable of doing the things they love, perhaps even incapable of doing ANYTHING, why is it necessary for life to continue?

The common thread in all these subjects is Quality Of Life.

I think we can all more or less agree that the length of a life, or 'quantity', is not nearly as important as the quality of that life. This begs the question of what constitutes 'quality' - and that is exactly where this debate, as well as the other two which I have mentioned, needs to start.

What is 'quality of life'?

The answer to that question is a very individualized, and for many - a highly personal one. For each person, it is based on many things including socioeconomic status, spiritual belief system, ethnic background, education, and general awareness of the world around us. No two people will ever view anything, be it an issue or a person or a picture in exactly the same way. No two people reading this blog will read it the exact same way. I would hope not - but, it is entirely possible that after reading this blog - some of you will not come here again.

My purpose is dual. It is both to express my opinion and, perhaps if I am fortunate - my words will encourage a re-thinking of those whose minds are made up one way or another. It is NOT to denigrate nor deride ANYONE or their personal beliefs.

                                            ________________________

The Next Installment

Welcome to 2014!!!

I’m sitting in bed still at 11am…. This is a good sign that 2014 will be a better year than 2013 was. Putting it bluntly – 2013 sucked! Far too much turmoil and stress!

For those who do not know me – staying in bed, for me, is something I MIGHT get to do once every few years.  – a REAL rarity!

So far, I have discovered that Ms Honey Bunny is having a BLAST with the 4 stacks of boxes and plastic tubs. I have placed them strategically in piles of varying heights. She has discovered the benefits of each box stack. The Amazon boxes – 2 stacked on top next to one creating the effect of stairs – she jumps up and down and up and down and chews on the box. The plastic ones are just for effect. The coup d’ grace however, is the long ceiling fan box on its side…… this one, she jumps up on to sliiiidddddeeeeeee across the top….   Rabbits are as easily amused as cats. I like that in a furbaby!

That said, my first purchase of 2014 will be a cat tree….. Yes, the cats will enjoy it – however, I believe Ms. Honey will like it more!

                           __________________________________________

I have spent the morning on the laptop, sometimes on Facebook – but, most of the time, I have been perusing the “Vintage Children’s Book” pages of Etsy for …………… well…. Yeah – vintage children’s books. In particular – the earlier printings of the Judy Bolton, Cherry Ames, Nancy Drew, Penny Parker, and Sue Barton mystery series books.  Etsy seems to have a plethora of these – almost ever time I look, I find another to add to my collection.

No, I am not a collector of teen novela’s of yesteryear….   I am an avid reader. And have been since the age of 8 when my wonderful Aunt Edna introduced me to these books. They were originally bought for her when she was a girl. Many were printed in the 1930’s. Grossett & Dunlap were the printers of said books, all of which had hard covers and were printed on a very thick paper – akin to two or more sheets of construction paper. The pages are yellowed to begin with and have gotten more so over the years. 

I am very particular about which printings I purchase, preferring the first or second printing.  I am very drawn to these printings as they were set in the era in which they were written – the 1930’s. Some – like Nan Sherwood – were printed around the turn of the century.

Of these book series I have mentioned, only Nancy Drew and Cherry Ames survived into the 60’s and 70’s. Cherry simply ‘grew with the times’ – and sometime in the 70’s, faded into the “Land of Unread Books”. Nancy, (and her counterparts – the Hardy Boys) survive even today. However, those two series were REWRITTEN and reprinted several times – and modernized. I’m not sure what Nancy (is her last name still “Drew” or did she finally marry Ned?) is driving these days but I am positive it is NOT the ‘Roadster’ of her 1930’s days.

I know what has been in my lifetime  - If she is driving an Infiniti I30T – you GO Nancy – but, I know what those are like….  I’ve seen plenty. But a Roadster….. Gee whiz! Now THAT’S a car!!! Does anyone know what an automat is? Or an Underwood? (yeah – that thing with the keys that looks sort of like a computer keyboard except bigger, noisier and at least 20 pounds heavier?) . Anyone remember home-delivered groceries? Nope – not Peapod – that’s the new version of the old scene! 

Updating Nancy & her ‘chums’ (who became ‘pals’ and then ‘friends’ and, now, I’m certain they are BFF’s) is all well and good for sales to the current generation I suppose. But, I prefer to read the older models.  What is worse I suppose is that very few people do prefer those – unless, of course, they are collectors of books. I suppose you could call me a collector – but, not for the value. The monetary value means less than nothing to me. What I LOVE is filling in gaps in my collection – like having volumes 1-6, 9, 10, 12 and 18 – and finding volumes 7, 8, and 11! I read them as I get them first;. Then go back and read volumes 1 – 12 all inclusive! This gives me a clear picture of my heroines’ life and times!

Perhaps I should have been an anthropologist?

                                __________________________________________________

This year, I have much to do. Retirement from the world of Big Business is in sight – but I have not yet decided what I want to be when I grow up. I have to blame some of the lack of decision on not knowing all the possibilities that are out there. I am constantly amazed at the jobs and fields – things that I take for granted. Like where do new colors come from? From companies that specialize in color development of course….. what? Yes… color development is a science every bit as much as mathematics. Who knew? Party planning – another career alternative. So… no cooking? No cleaning. Just co-ordinating?  Sober companions… OMG!!!! Although it helps to have gotten sober once yourself, it is not a requirement. So… someone pays you to stay with them after rehab for a bit and yell at them if you think they are heading back down the proverbial slippery slope? Real estate ‘stagers”.  The broker prices the house, the realtor sells it – but will engage the services of a stager – who is kind of an interior decorator of empty homes – in order to make the property “pleasing” to potential buyers….  (Now, IMHO, if you can’t see the potential in a residence without someone else decorating it for you – why are you even BUYING ?? ) .

The scary part of this is that our “for profit” industry of ‘Education’ has determined that ALL career paths require extensive education beyond that which is required by local law. And they have convinced all their cronies in other ‘for profit’ industries that this is true.  Further, they have brainwashed US common folk into believing that this is a necessity. We actually believe that you can’t do color analysis or decorate a home unless you have been through an institute of higher learning – either with the core “liberal arts” courses or just the specialty.

So, let me get this straight…. Unless you are a good student (I’m not even going to TOUCH the subject of the outrageous cost of this excessive education) -  you can’t be a good _______ (fill in blank with your favorite job that SHOULD NOT require a degree).  Hmmmmmmmm.

Ok – I’m all for learning. I really abhor people who are stupid or ignorant by choice.

I believe in learning something new every day. I LOVE to learn. Which is why I ADORE the internet … I read, I don’t know, I google. I read, I want to know more – I google. I read several different news site daily. I read books – primarily fiction – but, the fiction is what piques my interest in the facts behind the fiction.  All fiction has a basis in fact – if one wishes to know if something is real or truly fictitious – google. Or bing.  Or…

Know what I can’t do?  I can’t sit in a classroom, take notes, and learn. No, really – I can’t. Ok, well, yes, I can. But – what this type of learning gives me is only good for playing Trivial Pursuit. I remember (by rote) exactly what I need to… and yep, I can pass an average college course with a decent grade. But, here is the problem…. It doesn’t MEAN anything.  

What means something: what I early on (as were many in my generation) to INFER unknown meanings from known meanings. I can understand an unknown word from the context in which it is used.

If I am taught the basics and handed a good reference manual, I can solve a problem.  I understand the problem based on what I already know about the general topic of the problem. What I do not know, I ask about.  Based on having seen real-life answers to other problems and understanding the problem and WHY it is a problem – I can design a solution to the problem – and carry it through to implementation.. I can do this having one 2 or 5 day class and a manual (and let us not forget Sparky – that Mighty Brain Cell!).

So, what did an extra 2 years of English, Mathematics, Economics, and History (all “General” subjects by the way) do exactly to help me solve the business problem better?  Not a dam thing.

This is a subject that I could go on about all day – every aspect – and there are MANY!!!!  My bottom line? In most cases, higher education is unnecessary and experience is the best teacher. And sadly, one thing that life has taught me is if you want to know what the REAL root reason for ANYTHING – all you need to do is follow the money. 

Money (kudo’s to Ms Lauper) changes everything.  A sad attestation to what we’ve become.

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Sounds like starting the New Year off on a bad note – but I’m not really. This is today’s reality. It doesn’t have to be FOREVER reality.  I, for one, refuse to accept this as a “forever reality”. It can change. Probably not in my lifetime – but, it can change.

Perhaps I can help start the change…….. I shall have to consider that as I contemplate my next career. This will be one of my goals for 2014 – to figure out how to have a second career that I enjoy AND change the world at the same time.

Getting High

I have a seriously guilty secret. I LOVE getting high. Yep....  I do. Getting high is my life's passion - a feeling like no other. You feel it from the core of you expanding out to the tips of your fingers and toes. It builds and builds till it just BURSTS forth from inside filling you with the most indescribably delicious warmth!
Joy. Pure, unadulterated Joy.
I wish I could bottle and sell that feeling.
I know for sure I'd be financially well off! 
Bet ya'all are just drooling to know the details... How do I do it? Crack? Weed? What doctor writes my prescription? Who is my dealer? What street corner do I stand on? How can I possibly afford to get high?
Well... I'm gonna tell ya.
My high is free.
Yep.
Free.
No cash.
Really.
I can hear you all now....... "what connections does SHE have?!?!" and "Dam, I want me some of that!"
Well - you can have it.
I'll gladly share.
the how.

Let me tell you a little story to illustrate....  Almost 20 years ago, my kids told me to shut up.  Yep... me. the lady who sings ALL THE TIME!  "Shut up, mom" they said.  "PLEASE!!!", they said. "You sound HORRIBLE - like a dead frog!".  Sad part is - they were right. 
And then I got this sinus infection that wouldn't quit. Antibiotics didn't touch it. UGH!
Somehow, the brain grabbed control of me from the heart.  I'm not sure how - cuz the heart NEVER  EVER lets the brain win. But, this time it did.
Wait! I know you are bored.... I'm sorry. but revealing my guilty secret requires SOME build up - after all, it IS my guilty secret!
And I'm about to tell you all how to get high for free! So - be patient and allow me my small pleasure.
Now........... where was I........ 
Oh - right, brain won. 
So, I stopped (just for a day) that ugly thing I had been doing for more than 20 years....  Just to see if maybe, as a last ditch effort, THAT might help rid me of this sinus infection. 
Two days later...........  I got high for the first time.  
On my front porch. In front of a LOT of underage kids. 
I know.... terrible of me. 
I'm a HORRIBLE influence.... I know. How could I do that in front of LITTLE KIDS! 
I just could not help myself. And once I started - I just could NOT stop! I mean, that feeling is LIFE CHANGING! 

Oh...........
right
you want to know what drug and who my dealer is....
ok...
Guess its time.... 
Ok... my guilty secret and drug of choice...

Are you sure you can handle it? No really - its addicting. Once you have it, you CAN"T let it go. There are NO detox programs to help you with this.... maybe one day there will be - but right now, if you choose to do what I did - there is no going back and no hope of rescue... You can't be saved from this drug. You can never be free of it. Searching for that high will occupy your whole life! It will consume you! 
Are you sure you want to know? Are you sure you want to? 

Ok...
Don't say I didn't warn you. 

My drug of choice?
Music.

Yep. Music. 
No prescription or dealer necessary.

There is NO high like being part of a group that blends perfectly and performs a piece as if the piece was written for them. There is NO high like playing a song you love and knowing when you finish that you played it PERFECTLY - with your whole heart in it! So much so that your whole heart is exposed for all the world to see because it LEAPS out of your chest with a life of its own. There is no high like hitting a perfect note perfectly - TWICE! 

Ok... well, maybe there is another high like that.
But just one..........
Seeing a sunrise in the company of the fey creatures of the woodland.... 

Watching that beautiful ball of fire gently slip up from the ocean floor where it had rested overnight.... slowly changing the midnight blue of the sky and sea a much brighter azure with overlappying bold brush strokes of gold! To see the deep evergreen of the forest change to a brilliant emerald with streaks of chartreuse and fawn....
Yep - I'm so embarrassed.
But, I had to 'come out' - it is just necessary for my soul to share this guilty secret with the world. Its part of my therapy.... 
Oh - and my dealer? 
Yes... 
I suppose you need to know that too. 
After all, you'll need the same prescription I have - so, I guess you'll need to know who to go to. 
Wait..... I can't tell you my dealers name. 
Oh no.... 
That is just too much....
I don't know... 
Hum...
Well... ok.... I guess...............


you.

yes.
you.
all this happiness and joy - its inside you. 
you have to find your own key - that is something I can't give away - its a part of me.  

Joy. 
No $ required. 

May the Spirit of this Holiday Season grant your soul the peace and serenity it craves. 

The Lioness' 'New' Den

Before my friend re-appeared, I wondered if I was retreating into my mind.... wondered if I did totally retreat - would I (could I) come back? Concentration eluded me despite the ADHD meds I take. I was wandering lost in the past with no intention of returning to reality. It is amazing the changes just a few weeks can make. Energy was non-existent. Even my therapist was discouraged. 
What a difference a few weeks can make!
With the assistance of my friend and ex-husband, I "cleaned house" - requiring all current boarders to find other lodgings. This edict was well-met by most of the 'flophouse' denizens. Some required a reminder or two. However, all are now OUT. 
My daughter has spread her wings and found a new 'roost' - her first apartment, with two others. I believe this is a positive thing both for her and me. She will grow and learn - but not so far from home that she can't run home when she needs to..... like to do her laundry.
There are now only 3 humans, 2 felines, and one lagomorph residing here. This is the smallest population of this home in 10 years! It almost feels empty! The house is more welcoming now. And more organized. And more clean!
With the constant nudges and pushes from my friend - I am slowly regaining control of many things - and I have seen the first glimmer of hope for my son's recovery and eventual entrance to the "real world". 
I have had someone to talk to on a regular basis who actually understood where I've been and why - and where my son had been and why.  I have my own personal "cheering section". 
My friend has needed his own personal "cheering section" too - and has one. There have been  many impromptu meetings of the "Mutual Aid Society" over dinner or fresh cups of coffee...... 
But the funniest thing?
If a fly were on the wall watching the two of us passing each other carrying on full conversations with ourselves and ignoring each other completely - the fly would be collapsed in mirth (as I have been every time I see this phenomena and become aware of it!).
The progress in both our lives is slow. But, that there is progress is most wondrous indeed!

Ephiphany

Most days, I am what one might call a mouse. Rarely, the mouse turns into a lioness. The mouse, who is usually running the show called 'Beth' is happy when everyone in her world is happy. To that end, I prefer to pour oil on troubled waters rather than try to part them. Intelligent discussions or debates I welcome. When it gets to the jumping up and down and arm waving and loud voices - then the mouse pours oil on the water and runs away. To me, that is exhausting. 
In the years since my divorce - I have run my house this way. Often fighting with my daughter to get her to do the things she needs to do. After so many years of wrangling and wrestling with her, and the years of trying to have a successful relationship with a man I loved deeply, I got too exhausted and tried to scurry back into my mousehole to lick my wounds. The problem with this is that I had one more child. Who also needed me to put my foot down and wrangle and wrestle with him. I didn't. Mom fell down. Mom became the easily manipulated doormat. 
One of the things I've needed desperately was support. I got a LOT of support from my parents - all the years my kids were growing up.  My kids would NEVER have had the life they have had were it not for my parents. My mom and dad did all the things with my kids that I wish I could have done - but, as a single mom,  I had to 'keep the lights on'. 
Still, I needed more. More support. I thought I would get that support from that relationship - but, that person - well, suffice it to say, he just simply was not capable emotionally or mentally of supporting anyone except himself. This is not reflective of him, per se. Each person can only handle what they can handle - not everyone can handle the same amount of stress. 

In the last month, a very good friend literally 'arose from the dead'. He came back into my life. This friend is really supporting me. Exactly the way I need to be supported. Talking.... pushing, occasionally giving me the 'hairy eyeball'. Reasoning. Intelligence.
Over the last 2 weeks, he has spent time talking with me. This is a 2-way street - he has needed the support from me to help pull his life back together as well. Over this two week period, I have gradually been emerging from the mousehole - beginning to find the person that used to be able to make decisions and STICK to them.
For the last week, I have been working up to today..... this evening. I almost feel bad for my kids. They are both about to have their little bubbles burst. She is ready - she will be ok - better even - for  this. He - not a snowballs chance. But, right now, he needs the 'tough love'. Till today, I have not been capable of that. I don't feel capable of that even now. But, I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and fall forward. I know I have the support. I'm petrified too - I don't know what the final outcome will be. It could be that even the 'tough love' will fail. But - I've tried everything else. And still - my son spirals downward. So - here we go. 
The lioness is emerging from her den.................