Destiny

For a few years now, I had thought that when my children were grown and I could choose where I would live, I should go north. I had pretty much decided on a small coastal town in Maine. 

Also for a few years now, I have been visiting a dear friend in New Jersey on a fairly regular basis. Odd that my ex-husband is the one that introduced her to me. We have much different and much in common. I relax and enjoy every time I am down there. 

I also have specific preferences in music. While I enjoy almost every type - it is that 'Jersey sound' that attracts me the most. 

One more digression - and I promise this will all make sense..... there IS a point to the rambling.  

I have experienced 'Deja Vu' only once in my life.  The experience of going somewhere you have never physically been but have seen and felt exactly in your mind - and somehow, it is comfortable. In 1983, Atlantic City was in the process of being reborn. The Playboy Club, The Golden Nugget, and Bally's all offered bus trips. I went on one of these day trips with my parents and aunt and uncle. At that point in my life, I had never been further south of Connecticut than New York City. Yet, as the bus passed through the marshland prior to coming into Atlantic City............ I knew with absolute certainty that I HAD been there before..... that I had been there and been comfortable there....deja vu.....

On my way down to Jersey this time, the closer I got, the more comfortable I got.... the lighter the invisible weight on my shoulders felt.  This time too, Ava did not feel well Sunday - so I went off on my own for a bit..... when I was done visiting the ruined ecosystem of Raritan bay (lead spill) - I just started to drive..... and drive... and drive. over Outerbridge Crossing, thru Old Bridge .... down Old Bridge turnpike..... for miles and miles and well - all the way to Rutgers.... and then back to Sayreville. The more I drive, the more comfortable I get.... 

I know that I never want to be far from the shore.

I know that I never want to be where it never snows.

I know that I never want to be where there are fewer seasons.

I know that I do NOT want to be in a 'city'.

I know that I do not ever want to miss autumn.

I know that I do not wish to be where tornados and/or hurricanes are the rule rather than the exception. 

An as John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band (yes, I know they are native 'Rhode Islanders -  but they embody that "Jersey" sound) played on my radio the other day, I knew where I had to settle and spend my 'golden years'.  I will never be far from the 'City that Never Sleeps'. I will never be far from my family or where I was born.... but, Connecticut, for all its beauty, is NOT where I need to be. 

Now comes the fun part - figuring out WHERE..... The when will happen when it does.... but the where - now I can plan.....  how the next stage of my life will go. 

Oh - yes, and I will go into the next stage of my life SOLO. Happily. Sans mate. Happily.

I have my friends. I have GOOD friends - the majority are female. Some that I have never met face to face..... yet - they ARE good friends! And I think I finally have it - I wanted to have it before - but I didn't quite have it..... Me. I am very good company. I like to do a lot of stuff. I like to do a lot of stuff with NO ONE. And I have my friends when I want to do stuff that we BOTH like to do and when we BOTH want to be with each other. 

I never understood why my maiden aunt was happy and ok with BEING a 'maiden' aunt.

I didn't quite get why my mother-in-law never wanted to remarry..... or live with anyone. Or even date..... 

I get it now.... It's cuz we are fun all by ourselves. And that's enough.